new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
