the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
