Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Who died my cat blue again?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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