So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize