Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
