susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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