remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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