Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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