i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
