I wish I could teleport
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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