Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
