you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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