he shaved USA in his pubs
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize