please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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