dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
