WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize