i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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