dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
