Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize