census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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