I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
