Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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