At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
