you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
