I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
