I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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