he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
