So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
