Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
