We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
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