porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When are your genitals available?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
