After last night, I could never be a politician.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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