Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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