it hurts more in the daytime
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
