I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
