i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
