i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
