so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
