everyone is single if you try hard enough
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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