i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
