Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
