my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
