how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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