i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
