I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
