dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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