I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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