and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
