C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
