I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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