If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
