Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
