I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
