WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
