it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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