The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
