Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
