playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
