I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
