If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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