Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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