YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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