the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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