'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
