Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
