her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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