the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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