best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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