He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
